Joining the Cord
by bookworm812
Summary: Alternate Ending to 612 Cutting the Cord I always thought the ending would go something like this :


'Its not you…its me. I just…I need, to be alone.'

Topanga and Cory watched quietly as he nearly broke down at his own words. A heartbreaking torment swirled in his eyes as he absently murmured, almost with a bitter laugh, 'I am alone.'

'You're not alone, Shawn.'

Three heads whipped around at those words to find the speaker standing behind Cory and Topanga. Angela gave the two small grins in greeting but her eyes focused on Shawn, who was staring at her with a dumbstruck expression on his face. Her own hands were trembling inside her jacket pocket and a part of her was wondering what on earth she was doing here.

It was Topanga who reacted first.

She stood up and yanked Cory to his feet, 'This is our cue to exit.'

Cory protested, 'But we need to…'

'Do nothing' she finished, giving him a stern look of warning. Topanga knew that at one level, Angela and Shawn faced issues that had deep roots in their emotional backgrounds and she'd come to realize that the problems that she and Cory faced were, in comparison, ridiculously tame and pale.

Yes, it was a bitter truth but Shawn was right. He was different from Cory and different from her too.

Angela stepped aside to let them leave, returning Topanga's hug with a one-armed one of her own and nodding to Cory, who she knew was just dying to stay back and see how the scene unfolded. Not that Angela had any intention of letting either of them do that – what she had come for was intensely personal and private and this was between her and Shawn.

And if all went well, she hoped that the two of them would hurt considerably less by the time they were done here.

The student union was eerily silent at this time of night and she and Shawn were the only ones there. Angela trained her gaze on him again and wavered between smiling and exasperation – Shawn was still gaping at her, mouth open and eyes wide.

She moved forward and after a moment's hesitation, sat very close to him on the couch.

Angela took a deep breath as the scent of Shawn's cologne wafted to her. It made hitherto suppressed feelings rage and engulf her and she closed her eyes to steady herself.

Unknown to her, Shawn was struggling to do the very same thing. Just her presence so close to him and the familiar smell of something that was so uniquely her, was playing havoc with his nerves. His head was spinning dizzily with a million thoughts fighting for dominance. Two however stood out very clearly – Angela was here next to him, sitting so close that their knees were touching and she was looking at him with…with…well, he couldn't exactly decide what. There was tenderness and sadness warring with each other in her expression and he lowered his eyes guiltily as he saw the hurt and weariness there as well.

Shawn dared not hope that she was looking at him with love. He'd screwed up royally this time and pushed away the only girl to have ever genuinely loved him and not be afraid to show it, too. He didn't have the right to hope for her love, after all that had happened.

So he resolutely looked down at his clasped hands and desperately prayed that his knuckles weren't really that white and pale as they seemed to him in the night.

For a long minute that seemed to stretch painfully, neither spoke. Then Shawn jumped slightly as Angela repeated her earlier words, 'You're not alone, Shawn.'

Maybe it was the way she said it – with empathy and reassurance but without the pity that he'd come to detest in his life – but all at once, Shawn knew that he was going to break down. It was just too much at one time. A few seconds earlier, he'd had crushing revelations one after another on his difference, his inability to love, and the depth of his feelings for Angela.

She wasn't just someone he could move on from. He was in love with her, couldn't stand to be without her and a life without her presence in it seemed empty and unflinchingly cold.

Shawn shivered and did not even notice that his hands were now openly shaking. He dimly heard Angela call out his name softly with concern – oh! How he missed that now. Images assaulted his mind – the way she'd tenderly brush his hair away from his forehead, how she'd caress his shoulder as she walked past and how she'd quietly reach for his hand and intertwine their fingers when he'd needed comfort and reassurance.

Shawn realized with a sudden clarity that their relationship had actually been a very strong one, and at some level, infinitely stronger than Cory and Topanga's. Not because they showed their love through grand, public make-out sessions or got distressed over silly little kisses, but because each treasured the other. It was all in the small gestures, the familiar touches and simply _doing_, without the necessity for talking.

Oh God…and he'd thrown it all away. Angela had given freely of herself – he nearly choked as he recalled how he'd never had to ask her for her touch. She'd known when to hold him, when to hug him warmly, when to simply give a squeeze and leave it at that – she was incredible.

His shoulders began to shake slowly as a tidal wave of the loneliness that he envisioned for his future and the despair at the vision began to wash over him. But suddenly, a warm presence was burrowing between his hands, determinedly making its way between his fingers and Shawn opened his eyes, wet and awash with misery to see his fingers firmly intertwined and enmeshed with those of Angela's.

He gulped, half-afraid and half-excited even as he tried to comprehend what was going on. He wondered what Angela was even doing here and before he could stop himself, the words forced their way out.

'So, where's Ron?' The minute he'd asked, he wanted to die. It sounded so unbelievably lame and so ludicrously forced that he cringed at what he knew must be Angela's sympathetic expression. But when he made himself look at her after receiving no reply, he found her face inscrutable with no trace of emotion.

'This isn't about him, Shawn and you know it. And it was only a date.'

'You seemed to be having a good time, though.' And Shawn cursed himself again. What was wrong with him? He was only coming across as pathetically needy and desperate through this interrogation. As always, he knew that Angela would be sitting with complete poise and self control. Shawn admired her dignity and the way she carried herself – it had been one of the attributes that had attracted him way back in school.

Angela inched closer; now their shoulders were touching. She knew Shawn long enough to know where these questions were really coming from and although she was deeply indignant and resentful at his probing even after what he'd done to her, lashing out in retaliation wasn't going to solve anything.

It was painfully obvious that Angela needed to be strong for him now.

'I meant what I said earlier. You're not alone, Shawn. You never will be.' As if on its own volition, one of Angela's hands withdrew from Shawn's and made its way to his face. She fingered the single brown luck that insisted on stubbornly clinging to his forehead ever since his new eight dollar haircut; she'd almost had a heart attack on how unbelievably handsome he'd looked after that.

Shawn drew a shuddering breath as her fingers ghosted against his forehead. 'You know, maybe it's for the best that we aren't together. I…I don't know how to love, Angela. I mean, I can't even say the words! Sometimes, it seems like I don't even know what I want!'

Angela's heart tore on hearing the broken and defeated tone in his voice. And then, she steeled herself. It would be a long road, often fraught with pain and difficulty. And undoubtedly, she'd suffer some more.

But sitting in front of her was the man she loved, deeply and madly. And he was hurting. Heaven help her for doing this and letting her pride take a backseat to her need but it was like a fire that refused to be quenched.

And Angela knew that, that was exactly what their situation was. It had always been dark, mysterious and frightening in its intensity. Dating and falling in love with Shawn was very like playing with fire. There was no halfway point. It was all or nothing and she'd responded willingly and jumped in with both feet. Either she'd get completely consumed by the fires that stoked their relationship or she had to steer away from them.

And now looking at Shawn gazing back at her with a longing in his eyes that made her stomach churn and her heart race, Angela felt the heat begin to sear her. Had there really been any other choice?

Her fingers moved from his forehead but slipped into his hair. She fought to regulate her breathing as the strands moved tantalizingly and then her hand was on his neck.

Shawn felt like he would explode. The day had already been too fraught with emotion and he didn't know if he could withstand it. He was also deathly scared: what was going on here? Dare he hope that Angela had come back to be with him?

'Oh God.' The choked moan that came from Angela's lips made him turn to face her, only to realize that they were sitting so closely, too closely for his racing adrenaline to actually withstand. She had a pained look on her face but it was mixed with something else. Shawn suddenly realized that she looked tired, she looked preoccupied.

And he hated himself for the fact that he'd put that expression on her face.

'Shawn' Angela spoke up. She went over the words in her mind, wanting to be careful with him already so emotionally fragile. 'You are never going to be alone, ok? I don't want you thinking that even for a minute. And if you are talking about incapable of loving, then I should be one of the lousiest girlfriends around.'

Shawn automatically protested, shocked. 'Angela, you were never a lousy girlfriend! Guys would kill to have someone like you. You're the best there ever was!'

Angela smiled humorlessly, 'The best but not enough to give you confidence in us, right?'

Shawn lowered his eyes to the floor as her words stung. He couldn't ignore the truth in them. 'I…I don't know why I did, I mean well I do know, but I got scared Angela! I can't make any long term plans – I'm just not good at any commitment.'

Angela took a deep breath and then nodded decisively, 'Shawn, I need to know this. Do you want to be with me or not?'

He couldn't help closing his eyes in despair, 'I miss you desperately, Ange. But, I can't just…its not easy and I haven't said those words before and I am scared…'

Angela pressed her hand against his mouth, silencing him effectively and then moving it to wipe his cheeks. With a start, Shawn realized that he hadn't even known he was crying. He tucked this memory deep in his mind, savoring her gentle touch and jealously clinging on to every little feeling, before Angela got up and walked away.

'I'm not asking you to say those words to me now, Shawn. I'm…I guess, I'm just asking if you feel strongly enough to get back together.'

Shawn couldn't believe his ears. Angela was calmly looking back at him, wearing an expectant expression. He'd told her that he couldn't say that he loved her and she…she was accepting that?

He turned to face her fully and prayed for the right words. 'I still want to be with you, Angela. I miss you and you're the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm so screwed up that I kill every good thing in my life and I…I'm sorry that I did this to us.'

Angela smiled wistfully and moving the hand on his neck to cup his cheek, said, 'You aren't a screw-up Shawn. You've had some bad shocks in life, and I know that you feel like you can't totally let go and open up but I can be just as stubborn as you are.'

Shawn looked at her uncertainly, 'What do you mean?'

Angela chuckled through the sheen of tears that prickled her eyelids. This was it. There wasn't any turning back now. 'Well, as much as you feel that you kill every good thing; I feel a need to save it just as much. And that's just what I am going to do.'

She settled herself more comfortably on the couch and continued, 'I already told you how I feel about you. And for whatever reason that you feel you can't tell me, that's ok with me. I'll make my peace with it in time, I guess. But I don't want us to stop. Shawn, I can only be there for you if you let me.'

Shawn felt a few more tears slide down his face ever as her soothing voice spread through his psyche. He simply couldn't believe it – Angela was actually willing to wait for him to say those words, wait for him to get his act together; she was giving him, them, a third chance.

'Why?' he whispered brokenly. 'Why are you staying with me? I'm not good enough for you, Angela. You need to be with someone who genuinely cares about you, who's able to do the right things, someone who's able to appreciate just being with you. I'm not worth your time.'

Angela swallowed, fighting her own tears and pulled herself closer to Shawn. 'Why don't you let me be the judge of that?'

And gently applying pressure on his neck, she leaned forward. Shawn found himself unable to breathe; he could only wonder at the sudden change of tide in his fortune tonight. Angela's eyes were open as her lips neared his and Shawn suddenly was seized with a need to hold her tight and close, never to let her out of his sight.

Their lips touched gently, tentatively almost as if it wasn't a kiss at all. Angela backed away slightly wondering if Shawn was ok with this and perhaps they should have talked a bit more first but as she pulled back, Shawn's lips followed giving off a slight moan of protest and planting themselves firmly on her.

His hands moved to wrap around her back, shoulders and waist and brought her up against him.

Angela let out a whimper that shot his nerves to hell.

Shawn didn't think he'd ever kissed anyone like this before. In their relationship itself, this kiss was one of a kind. It was fuelled with passion, desperation, and an all consuming want that made Angela thankful for their sitting on the couch. He moved a hand up her back from her waist to tangle in her hair and then, she knew she was utterly lost.

Shawn sensed her surrender and it made his blood race. His kisses were hungrier now, more demanding and his lips plundered hers with brutal need. Angela was his anchor, his refuge in the eye of storms and he clung to her desperately to keep from drowning in his grief, his guilt and his self-loathing. Even at this point, he was aware that she was the one giving. Yet again, she had come to him, offered him comfort and had unbelievably made no demand in return.

Terror suddenly engulfed him as he visualized Angela berating him scornfully and then turning around to move into Ron's arms. He clutched Angela closer, kissing her even more insistently and was dimly aware of her pulling her lips away and saying something. No! He didn't want to let her go, didn't want to hear her say that they'd gotten carried away, that this had been a mistake.

Shawn thought he would actually run away that minute if those words were spoken.

Angela repeatedly ran her fingers through Shawn's hair, in an effort to soothe him and loosen his hold. His hair was damp from perspiration and she could feel his shudders as he held her in a vise-like grip. She was panting incredibly herself and was trying to process the explosive kiss that they had shared. She knew now for a certainty, that Shawn did feel strongly for her but his fears on long term relationships, his emotional baggage due to his background as well as his insecurities needed to be discussed if they were to progress anywhere.

'Shawn' she whispered. 'Shawn, loosen up a bit. I want to talk to you, baby.'

Both of them simultaneously looked at each other, startled at the use of such an intimate and familiar endearment. Angela because it had slipped out of her unawares and because it highlighted the depth of her feelings and Shawn because he thought he'd never hear it from her again.

He pulled back just enough to look down into her face. 'I…you don't know how often I've been awake all night just imagining you calling me that.'

Angela let her finger absently drift down the side of his face as she laughed softly. Then her expression grew serious and Shawn steeled himself.

'Shawn, I don't expect you to say those words to me right now. But I am willing to make this work between us. I can't do this alone Shawn, you have to meet me halfway. And if you're apprehensive about commitment or if the long term issue scares you, then talk to me and we can figure out what to do. But what I won't stand for is you pushing me away and then running away from an issue yourself. You hear that? You understand that, Shawn Hunter?'

Angela was grabbing his jacket lapels tightly and shaking them for emphasis. Her voice which started firmly had wobbled slightly midway and she finished amid a sob. Shawn responded to her impassioned plea by moving his hands to her face and spoke almost timidly, 'I…I want us to work, Angela. But I'm scared. I see you walking through that door sometimes and it hits me that you are the most important thing in my life. And I get panicky because I've never seen long lasting love work out where I come from. And that fear made me kill the great relationship we had…I'm so sorry.'

She sighed, 'The great relationship we still have. Shawn, will you promise that you'll talk to me? I'm not pressuring you but I'm not going to be on the sidelines either. We're going to talk more and we have to figure out where we want us to go, ok?'

Shawn nodded and wiped his eyes with the heel of his hand, looking so adorably like a lost little boy that Angela firmly restrained herself from lunging at him again. 'Yeah' he spoke haltingly, 'yeah, I promise you that I'll try. And I'll tell you more about my family too.'

Angela laughed in relief. It felt good to laugh, to utter a genuine sound of happiness that had evaded her for the past few weeks. Shawn smiled hesitantly as well, as if still unable to believe all that had happened but at least he was agreeing to open up to her.

'Do you need to go back to the dorm right away?'

Angela didn't have the heart to refuse his timid query. He was still probably very fragile and she knew that she had some hard work ahead of her if she wanted their relationship to achieve a semblance of normality. But she wasn't a Master Sergeant's daughter for nothing, and unlike other times, Shawn had voluntarily offered to discuss his family.

He leaned them back against the couch and put his head on her shoulder. Angela wrapped an arm around his shoulders as he put his around her waist. He was quiet for a minute before he asked, 'we…we are back together, right?'

Angela smiled down sweetly at him and he couldn't help returning her loving stare. She knew then that he most definitely loved her – getting it out from him would be the real test.

'Yes we are' she answered. 'And we will be if we want to be, Shawn. Work with me, ok? And I promise you that you are never going to be alone. You never were to begin with – I was always there for you. I only wish you'd come to me.'

Shawn sighed miserably, 'I wish I could shut off this reflex I have of not facing my pain or my fears.' Then his face straightened, 'But this much I promise you, Angela. I will talk to you, ok? I…you don't know how glad I am that you came here tonight and are taking me back, I know I don't deserve it. Put up with me, ok, because I really, really need you.'

And he cried quietly, the tears streaming into her dress. Angela said nothing but only held him closer.

Yes, there were going to be some tough times ahead but Shawn was not going to be alone. She'd make sure of that. As his tears lessened, she kissed his forehead, and felt his answering kiss on her chin.


End file.
